i want to be friends with cameron but it's so hard when all he does is act like i'm bothering him. trying to get him to say anything more than a monosyllabic word that isn't in response to a direct question is like trying to pull fucking teeth. i can't ever think of anything to say and when i do he tries to fit in as many innuendos as he can referring to me fucking up our relationship. he told me tonight that i "whine". of course, i whine. i am miserable and what makes me even more miserable is that the only person in the world that i can think of to tell that i'm miserable thinks i'm a fucking whiner for being miserable. i used to be his mmcake and now i'm nothing.

nothing.

i've never been nothing before. i am this insignificant part of his life that he'd rather just do without but i'm so insignificant that i'm not even worth the time to tell to go away. i must be a fucking glutton for punishment. after all this time of being nothing i would still drop everything in the world to see him laugh and to be the cause of it.

i am an idiot.

i mean nothing to cameron and all i do is think about him. in reality world, i have this wonderful fiance who would give his life for me and i barely give him a second glance. in fact, i move away every time he tries to touch me. i'm going to lose him because i'm too busy giving a shit about cameron.

did i mention i'm an idiot?

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